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Lube saves lives...

Yes you read that title correctly...with condoms being the obvious #1 choice, lubricant is another great way to reduce risks of contracting HIV and other STIs (Sexually Transmitted Infections) by preventing friction during sex. Not only does lube save our lives but it also adds more pleasure and excitement in the boudoir.

Unfortunately women are constantly judged on the ability to produce our own lubricant and having that "wet wet" but not all "cupcakes" lubricate equally. I don't know how many times I've had debates with men about not wanting to be with a woman who doesn't get wet enough! Boy please! When are we going to stop judging each other based on our genitals and sexual abilities? Until that imaginary day arrives, lube is still here to save the day and here is how:

There are four main types of lubricant used for sex: water, silicone, oil, and natural based lubricants.


Water based lubricant is much more pH friendly to our cupcakes than any other lubes outside of our own natural one. Water based lube is best for vaginal sex (penis in the vagina) and reduces friction between the penis and vaginal walls. The reduction in friction will limit the amount of ripping and tearing which ultimately keeps fluids from being shared (especially blood, semen, and vaginal fluids). These fluids are well known to transmit HIV and other STIs. Water based lubes are safe to use with latex/non-latex condoms; sex toys; and won't stain your sexy silk sheets!

Flavored water based lubes are a yummy way to spice up oral sex ( mouth on penis, mouth on vulva, or mouth on anus). The best part about this lube is that it is safe to use for vaginal sex directly after going down on each other. Most flavored lubes are naturally flavored and sugar-free which help us to maintain our pH balance and minimize the risk of yeast and/or bacterial infections etc.

Some water based lubes come with other arousing elements such as tingling and warming/cooling components. Please read the ingredients and apply a small amount to an area outside of your cupcake to see how your body reacts. If no irritation or bad reactions occur, have fun!

One major con to water based lubricant is that it dries out quickly so constant reapplication is a must.

Note 1: Saliva is not considered a water based lube and is not ideal since it dries out fast and doesn't reduce friction between the penis and vaginal walls.

Note 2: Add a few drops of lube inside any condom or on the vulva or anus before applying a dental dam for increased pleasure.


Silicone based lubricants are used mainly for anal sex (penis in anus) since the anus isn't as naturally lubricated as much as the vagina. Hence the name, this type of lube doesn't dry out as fast as water based lube. Without lube, there is an extremely high chance of friction thus blood and semen being shared among each other. Silicone lube may not be pH friendly for some cupcakes so make sure to wash it off after anal sex and apply water based lube before entering.

Some cons to using silicone based lubricants include causing irritation, yeast infections, and bacterial vaginosis; can break down silicone sex toys which increases bacteria; difficult to wash off; and can stain your sheets!

Note: Most of the lubes featured in this post are from ID because I have personal experience with these products as a HIV prevention specialist who tried them out herself before passing them out!


Coconut oil, olive oil and other cooking oils, baby oil (even the gel), lotions, and Vaseline (or any petroleum jelly products) are common examples of at-home oil based lubricants. Store bought lubes specifically for sex can also contain oil. Just like silicone based lubricant, oil based lubricant is considered a gift that keeps on giving since it doesn't dry out for awhile. It also makes a convenient massage oil during foreplay.

Unfortunately there are more cons than pros for this type of lubricant. Oil based lubes are to never be used with latex condoms since the ingredients can break it down thus decreasing its effectiveness. Using this type of lube can also increase chances of irritation and infections. Not to mention it can be difficult to wash off and those expensive sheets will be ruined!


In the past few years, more and more natural based lubricants have been released on the market. These lubricants include vegan, plant based, chemical and paraben-free etc. products that are considered healthier for our cupcakes. Always look for lubricants that list more natural products and very few other ingredients. Remember that if the natural based lubricant includes oil it will most likely break down latex condoms. This would be an ideal time to test another part of your body before applying it to your cupcake.

Lube most definitely can save both sex lives and physical lives! So apply as much as your cupcake desires and enjoy yourselves!

Out with Mammy, Jezebel, and Sapphire...In with Cupcake Noire!



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1 Comment

I just learned so much just by reading your blog posts! Can't wait to do an event with you.

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